Our first three children responded quickly to correction and basked in words of approval.  Then came our second son.  With a heart of a warrior, this gentle spirited Mama had to let the Lord strengthen me to train him to fear the Lord and honor his parents.  The lessons I have learned from reading and praying about training him, have made me a better mother to all our children and strengthened my resolve to be a deliberate parent in discipling our children.

What he needed was consistency, clear guidance, opportunities to serve, words of affirmation, and no negative attention.

Consistency.  I thought I was a consistent parent.  I was very clear about what was acceptable behavior and attitudes and promptly corrected the children when needed.  One or two corrections and the behavior would change.  However, my warrior child did not seem to respond to correction, so I would provide increasing levels of consequences for a behavior in my efforts to gain compliance.  This only backfired into complete meltdowns of despair from my son.   He needed consistency.  The same mistake= the same consequence.  I finally found success when I reduced my punishment in most cases to a time out so that it could be applied liberally.  It would take sometimes 10 or more time outs for the same offense before the behavior would change, but it did change.

Clear Guidance.  When we go out, I like to share the plan for the day with the kids, so that they can have realistic expectations.  I have always given short pep talks to the kids about behavior expectations at the beginning of the day and/or  before we go into a setting outside home: reminders of manners appropriate for church, shopping, or a friend’s house.  My warrior child needed more.  He needed specific instructions and specific consequences prior to beginning his day or entering a new environment.  For example:  You need to stay right by the shopping cart or you will have to ride in the cart the rest of the visit.

Opportunities to Serve.  My little warrior is also a hard worker.  So often the older children get opportunities to help because they are more skilled and the lack of responsibility frustrates him.  By creating “big boy” opportunities to complete tasks, I created opportunities to praise him for his hard work, and for him to develop his skills.  He needed more opportunities to hear encouraging words for what he did right.

Words of Affirmation.  I have long enjoyed praising the kids good behavior or choices after going out places, or when they have completed a task at home or shown good initiative.  My warrior needed more.  He needed to hear that that was a “good inside voice”  between the shouts that I corrected.  It was like searching for treasure at first, but soon he showed me mostly treasures.

No Negative Attention.  Wow.  Somehow my warrior child responded with lightening speed to negative attention that my other children would have abhorred.  I have to show no reaction to behavior, simple apply a consequence and repeat.  I have had to have a whole new level of self control.  The hardest thing is not sharing stories of his mistakes with others in his presence (some are hilarious).  I cannot satisfy others judgmental glares with a huge reaction.  If I know he is feeling well, I cannot let his protest crying waiver my resolve either.

I am still prayerful and diligently reading to increase my effectiveness as a parent, but I can say I am now comfortable training each of them as the unique person God made them to be and I am eager to see the plans God has for them.