Just A Little While

So all of the sudden you discover your life is terrible.  You have no friends.  You will never be good at anything.  Your parents don’t understand.  You are so disappointed in the way things turned out.  You wish you had the things your friends have.  You look ugly.  You just want to scream or cry or both!

What to do?

Let me introduce you to Hormones.  They lie.  They pay surprise visits at the most inconvenient time.  They cause acne on your FACE and other places.  They make you mad or sad for no good reason, or sometimes for every reason.  They cannot be reasoned with.  When they strike you have to recognize the symptoms above and go on the offensive.  They are great because they make the men have a fighting spirit and the women a nurturing spirit and sometimes the other way around.  But there is too much of a good thing, and sometimes that is what you get.

When you are in despair or mad at the world there is a way out.  First, pray.

1.  Are you tired?  Is it 11 PM at night after a long day?  If so tell yourself you will deal with this stuff in the morning.  Read a short passage from your Bible and go to sleep.  Everything will be better in the morning or at least manageable.

2.  Do you feel everyone is being unkind to you?  Singling you out?  It is time to get others focused.  Do something nice for someone else.  Clean something up for them.  Do their chore.  Then get some exercise.  Go for a walk or better yet a run.  Try and beat your pushup record.  Some exercise will lift you out of the dumps.

3.  Do you feel extremely ugly because of your hair, skin, or fitness level?  Make a plan.  Get a new skincare routine. Put some effort into your hair, and decide on a fitness plan and do it. Drink more water (1 oz per pound of body weight at least).  Stay away from sugar.  Just having a plan will boost your confidence immediately and your efforts will pay off in time as well.  Strive to be healthy, and you will become the beautiful woman or handsome man God created.  Love the body God gave you and take care of it.  It is a gift.

4.  You have no friends.  Well, it is time to be a friend.  Pray that God will bring people into your life that you can be a good friend to.  Have you neglected the friends you had?  Make a call, text them, or join them in an activity.  Are you being a friend to your siblings?  Recognize God uses seasons without dear friends to strengthen your friendship with Him.  Spend time in prayer and Bible Study and make the most of the time.  God will provide, and be your companion Himself as well.

5. Your parents don’t understand.  That’s OK.  No human can understand everything all the time.  You do what is right and pleasing to God.  Honor your parents.  Respect their wishes, but strive to please the Lord.  He sees you exactly as you are and always understands and knows what is best for you.  Trust Him with your future and with your parents.  God even used evil kings for his purposes.  Surely he can accomplish his will with your parents in charge.

Accepting correction is not natural. It goes against our natural defenses. Since we all make mistakes it is necessary. Be prepared and you will not turn into a bucket of tears or a raging bull.

When you are being corrected by someone in authority over you, ignore the emotions involved, that is just their reaction to the problem. Listen carefully, and ask yourself these three questions and then respond accordingly.

Listen:
1. What is the problem? (e.g. I made everyone late, I lost something, I was inconsiderate, etc.)

2. What is my responsibility? (e.g. treat others as I want to be treated, take care of what I have been given, etc.)

3. What am I going to do in the future? (e.g. get ready 15 minutes earlier, replace the item I lost, consider others first, etc.)

Respond:

1.  State the problem. (e.g.  I made everyone late)

2. Acknowledge your responsibility. (e.g. I should be ready early so no one has to wait on me and I can be helpful)

3. Apologize for missing the mark, and commit to specific actions to correct the problem. (I’m sorry I made us late, and I will be ready 15 minutes early next time)

What NOT to do:

1. Do NOT criticise the way the offended person explains the problem or expresses emotion. (That’s not exactly what happened, I think you mean….,  you don’t have to raise your voice)

2.Do NOT try to mitigate the significance of your mistake.  (e.g. It could have been worse, I don’t usually…)

3. Do NOT place blame on others.  (If you had reminded me more… if he hadn’t taken so long…)

4. Do NOT accept responsibility for other people’s choices or responses. (I’m sorry I made you mad, I’m sorry you signed me up for the class)

5. Do NOT pass judgment on yourself. (I’m a disappointment, I’m a terrible person, you must be disappointed in me etc.)

I Corinthians 7:8-11 (NIV)

⁸ Even if I caused you sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it. Though I did regret it—I see that my letter hurt you, but only for a little while—⁹ yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. ¹⁰ Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. ¹¹ See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done.

Correction is an opportunity.  Don’t miss the opportunity to grow, or let it damage your relationships.  Use the sorrow you feel as a call to action, to make a change for the good.  It is a chance to put to death an area of selfishness and live in the power of the Holy Spirit within you.

Now that I am forty, there are a few things I would tell myself as a new mother.

1. Cherish every second.  Kids grow up so fast.  In just five years they are in a completely different stage of childhood.  Babies only last a year.  Especially yours since they walk at 9 months.
2. Trust your instincts.  If you see a change in behavior check for an ear infection or food allergy.
3. All in one cloth diapers are fantastic, just make sure you don’t get a high efficiency front loading washer.  There is just not enough water exchange to get them clean.  And buy the biggest container of Charlie’s Soap laundry powder.
4. Buy all white linens for the beds, that way you can bleach them if needed and they are all interchangeable.  You will be washing them constantly. Oh, and have a bed in the nursery for you.  You will want to be close when your little one is sick.
5. Help your husband plan date nights.  As much as you would like him to constantly surprise you with his thoughtfulness, you have great ideas he will never think of even if you tell him.  He will enjoy himself when you get there.  Ignore any initial responses, he hasn’t had time to think this through.
6. Play “Stop” and “Go” (Think red light, green light) with your early walker.  It keeps them safe when you are out and about.  Just stay “Stop” when they drift down a grocery isle or head toward a parking lot and they will wait so you can catch up.
7. Keep junk food out of the house.  They will develop a taste for real food.  The first time they taste American “cheese” they will alert you that this is not really cheese and remove it from their sandwich.
8. Be consistent with bedtime, and have a bedtime ritual that includes reading.  Eight o’clock is a great time for bed, and kids can just stay up a little longer reading in bed as they get older.  This is built in time with your husband after the kids are tucked in.  Enjoy it.
9. Infant swim lessons are worth every penny.  Watch the instructor with your first kid, and then you can teach the rest.
10. Be kind to yourself.  Your daughters are watching.  Love and care for yourself like you want them to care for themselves.  Be thankful for each day.  It is a blessing.
11. Honor your husband, and speak to him truthfully even if it isn’t what he wants to hear.  You need that from him, and he from you.  Love builds up.  Be his biggest fan.